


Capture

by victoria_is_dun



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Possibly Triggering, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, hiv-positive, josh is a famous youtube and has a channel with ryan/pete/patrick, josh is a little posessive??, joshler - Freeform, my user is mothervictoria and the fic has the same name, ryan has ptsd, this fic is also on my wattpad, tyler has hiv, tyler is a photgrapher, tyler runs a neat photography blog on tumblr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:48:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12989274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoria_is_dun/pseuds/victoria_is_dun
Summary: Tyler's hobby involves him capturing the essence of something in a photo, hopefully for him to cherish and keep for much time to come. He uses it as an outlet to forget, to forgive the transgressions of the past. He never expected to be forced to remember.(lowercase intended.)





	1. curiosity killed the cat

**Author's Note:**

> there are mentions of rape and homophobia throughout. no scenes graphically explain the rape, but there are scenes where there is very explicit homophobia. read at your own risk.

_click._

the smell of fresh ink filled tyler's nose as he gently took a hold of the photo that slid from his polaroid camera. he carefully shook it before taking a look, a small smile peeking onto his red, swollen lips. the cold of nighttime was starting to set in. however, the small yet mighty boy would not let any photo op pass, no matter what the weather man told him. as the luminous sunset began to be drowned out by the calmly lapping ocean waves, tyler began to climb back down the sand hill he was perched on. he could already feel the annoying grains of sand under his toes as he began to walk back in the direction of his car. examining the photos he'd taken in the last couple hours, tyler couldn't help but grin happily.

the first one was of an ice cream cone he'd found abandoned on the pier, presumably dropped by a child who was definitely crying tears of pure pain at the time. it had a few seagulls pecking at it hungrily, backed up by the blurry legs of pedestrians and the rest of the santa monica scenery in the background. the second was of a group of children playing in the sand with their parents drinking a couple beers as they watched, smiling and laughing. tyler envied the thought of being able to have a fun day with siblings and parents like a normal family. he wished so desperately that he'd had a normal one. that photo made him frown once he looked at it in that perspective. the third photo was of a dog and a jogger that he'd saw on one of the trails across the beach. the dog was some sort of mixed mutt breed with floppy ears, dark fur, and short legs. its owner was a sporty looking woman with beautifully long red hair and deep gray eyes, her luscious locks seeming to come to life from the vibrant colors of the sun behind it. tyler's final photo was his favorite. it was the one he'd just taken of the beautiful santa monica sunset resting along the pier, the sky lit up with dazzling lights from attractions on the pier and reminding tyler of the vegas strip. he'd have to add these to his blog once he got home and scanned them.

he was brought out of his trance by the sound of a buzzing phone, and the feeling of it going wild in his pocket. tyler's hand dipped into his back pocket and he quickly answered the call. "buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?" tyler said, fiddling with the strap of his polaroid camera. he never really got important phone calls, so his greeting often was seen as hilarious to his friends.

"mr. joseph, correct? this is dr. frederickson from the clinic, and we have something you need to know." a male voice that was much deeper than tyler's spoke, a hint of humor in his tone for a mere second before it went back into utmost seriousness.

embarrassed, tyler hummed. "o-oh. well yeah, this is tyler. what's up..? how did the tests go?" he muttered awkwardly, trying to recover from that obviously inappropriate greeting. not to mention the insane amount of anxiety that was running through his veins at the moment. this was the moment he'd been dreading for months, at least since september.

there was a tense pause, long enough to where tyler was able to count sixteen beats of his pounding heart. "well. it's actually a little rare for this type of stuff to happen, but the test wasn't conclusive. it may have been a trouble on our part but when i received the email from our labs with the results they suggested that we perform a couple more tests, perhaps with a different testing way than the one we did before." dr. fredrickson responded, apologetic in the way he spoke. "at your soonest convenience i would highly recommend that you schedule another appointment with me. most likely, we'd have to draw blood this time so i suggest that you bring someone with for comfort if you're a bit queasy with that kind of stuff."

tyler's heart had not slowed down a millisecond, not at all. not conclusive? what did that even mean? did the saliva tests not work for him, or did they need more time to see if the antibodies showed up? there were so many questions that left tyler reeling for answers. however, he decided to just shut it until his appointment. "o-of course. i don't have my schedule with me, but i'm sure if something that's important is going to happen, i'd remember. how does next wednesday sound for times?" tyler asked patiently, tapping his fingers on the top of his camera rather impatiently.

"we could get you anywhere from 12am to 6pm."

"i'll do 2pm. i'm usually least busy around the noon hours." tyler remarked, peeling a bit of skin off of his lower lip out of anxious habit. "just give me a call like an hour before, could you? i don't want to forget."

"of course." dr. fredrickson hummed, "just take it easy, mr. joseph. make sure you get enough sleep and stay on the diet i assigned for you. i know it sucks, but you need to keep your health in check just in case the diagnosis is-"

"yeah," tyler cut in, "i know. i promise i'll stay in line, doc. thank you for everything you've done for me in the last few months.. you're a lifesaver." he smiled at the humbled laugh he received in return.

"now i wouldn't say that i'm a lifesaver, but i sure do care about you and your wellbeing. keep yourself well, mr. joseph, and stay in touch if you need my advice."

"of course. have a good night."

"you too. bye."

after the call ended was when tyler allowed himself to break down. he had so many unanswered questions, so many worries, all too much, too much, too much. what was he supposed to do in the meantime? he'd already been worried sick for months waiting for those results, and now they were inconclusive? perhaps this was punishment, as if he hadn't already received enough. this was punishment for going to that party. he shouldn't have ever listened to dallon. dallon had only ever tried to hurt tyler, and now he'd done it for good. this wasn't something that could be cured by a first aid kit, this was real. this was for the rest of tyler's life.

he hated when he got like this.

sucking in a deep breath, tyler began to walk faster as he quickly wiped away tears that threatened to spill. this had happened countless times by now. he was unable to focus on anything long into the night as he sat at his desk and edited a few photos. lightroom needed to update and kept pestering tyler over and over throughout the session, which ended up making him eventually give in and let it update. still clad in the same clothes minus his sandy socks, tyler took one look at his dirty sweater and decided that it was laundry day. tyler made sure to let his cat in the bathroom before he closed the door. the sphynx cat was actually his mother's, but when she passed she gave the cat to tyler. her name was precious and she was probably the best companion tyler had ever had. she was everywhere where tyler was. he didn't mind. tyler was clothesless before he was even in the shower, which was one of his favorite parts of living on his own. he never had to worry about a roommate walking in on him and in return he was able to sleep naked and be in his underwear and his embarrassing christmas sweater year round while editing. it also helped to live out in the middle of nowhere in the outskirts of l.a. it was only tyler, precious, and his trusty polaroid camera, and he wanted to keep it that way. his thoughts ceased once tyler turned on the water, the spray of ice cold droplets across his body making him hiss and step back. he'd definitely forgotten to turn the knob towards the red smudge on the metal dial. as the water slowly warmed, tyler returned to his spot and stood in silence, listening to the drums of droplets on the shower floor. melancholy was heavy in the air, but tyler was calm. he loved the intense feelings of emotional drought that came with showers, as it was a time for tyler to just breathe that he desperately needed right now. tyler could have sworn that he heard footsteps outside through the cracked bathroom window, but when he glanced over to the frosted glass, the sounds went silent again. a small meow echoed in the bathroom as well, signaling that tyler hadn't just imagined those noises. precious had heard it too. a little curious now, tyler turned off the water and grabbed a towel. the black, fluffy fabric engulfed his body as he wrapped it around himself, crossing his arms to keep it up. light steps echoing in the empty house, tyler approached the living room window, peeling back the curtain to check if anyone was out there. why would someone be out here at night? nobody ever came out here, especially not in the dead of night. suddenly, there was a knock at the door that scared the shit out of tyler, and he whirled around with a hand pressed over his hammering heart.

" _jesus christ.._ " tyler whispered under his breath, walking towards the door with an annoyed expression on his features. he unlocked the deadbolt, then cautiously opened the door. instead of the masked murderer that he expected, a group of young men about his age were standing on his porch. they urged each other to stop laughing and giggling before one of them spoke up. he was the nicest looking in the group, and seemed to be the most assertive by how he shouted back at his friends to shut up before finally being able to speak.

"sorry to bother you so late. but we wanted to know if the forest property back there belongs to you. does it?" the pink-haired man asked. his eyes seemed to shamelessly rack over tyler's body, which was covered with only a towel. letting out an annoyed snort, tyler leaned onto the side of the door and cleared his throat.

"yes, it does. why?" he responded tartly.

one of the guys whispered something to the pink-haired one, and he jabbed the other in the side in retaliation as he explained. "well, we need to record a skit for a youtube video and we haven't yet found someone who's willing to let us use their property to film on. it'd only take like an hour and we'd just be outside in that forest back there."

tyler blinked as he thought of whether to shoo them off or just let them to get them off his back. he chose the latter with a defeated sigh. "go nuts. just one of you give me something to communicate in the 'off chance' that you cause any damage to any of my property." tyler muttered, keeping the screen door locked as he turned away to go get his phone. when he came back, the pink-haired man was whispering excitedly to his friends, but quickly snapped out of it as tyler came back into sight. "what's one of your numbers?" tyler didn't expect the pink hue to speak over his friends, but it was quick enough to where tyler almost didn't notice the enthusiasm that he possessed. once tyler had saved the number, he practically had lost interest in what they had left to say. "okay. go crazy, just don't break any of my shit." tyler sighed, rolling his eyes and starting to close the door.

"wait!" the voice was enough to catch tyler's attention, and he blinked in surprise and turned back around.

the pink hue smiled. "what's your name?"

tyler threw on the most passive-aggressive, fakest smile he could muster and responded, " _tyler,_ " then closed the door before they could even speak. he was quite proud of himself, especially judging by the awed expression that he received by his smile. walking back towards his room, tyler shamelessly grinned. maybe tonight wasn't as sucky as it was cracking up to be.

 

 

  
they say that curiosity killed the cat, but tyler did quite mind if he was killed, so he found himself walking towards the forest that these men wanted to film in. it was tyler's land, but it got a little creepy after dark. he had the flashlight of his phone and his trusty polaroid camera strapped close, hanging loosely against his chest. who knows if he needed it for some cool shots in the dead of night. tyler was prepared. as he trudged deeper into the forest, it became quieter, and in turn tyler was put more and more on edge. his footsteps, breathing, blinking, and just about anything else became louder and more noticeable. tyler could have sworn once again that he heard more footsteps that were not his own, causing him to stop in his tracks. waving his flashlight around in a circle to check all sides, tyler nervously called out, "hello..?"

his reply wasn't words. instead, tyler let out a bloodcurdling scream as he felt someone attempt to grab him from behind. he spun around, leg shooting up to kick his attacker square in the-

"FUCK! oh my GOD." a familiar voice groaned, the figure hunching down towards the group as they stumbled and kept their arms protectively over their groin. tyler backed away a couple steps, startled and unsure of what was going on. suddenly laughter erupted in the clear night air, making tyler jump and wail in terror once more.

"heyheyhey! calm down. it's just us, remember? nice one too, josh. what did you expect to happen?" illuminated by the flashlight, tyler was able to make out a muscular, tall figure of a man with thick black hair and a slight stubble. he glanced down at the pink-haired individual that tyler almost immediately recognized, who's name was josh apparently, and scoffed.

"shut the f-fuck up, pete.." josh whimpered, still obviously in dire pain from the brutal kick he'd received for his foolish decision. "o-oh my god.. i'm g-gunna' die.." despite the mess that he was, tyler was giggling.

"i'm so sor-" before tyler could finish, one of the bystanders, a short guy with blond hair and a sweater that was two sizes too big cut in. "don't worry. josh is an idiot. anyway, do you not know who we are?" the stranger pointed out, looking a little surprised.

"uh.. no.."

the blond glanced over to pete. "well actually we're like vlogging youtubers. our channel has like eleven million subs." he said proudly, puffing out his chest with a sly smile. "our channel name is theslushieguys. we wanted to use your property to record a skit, and honestly i was really surprised that you didn't know us. we get recognized a lot."

"that's patrick by the way. he's too gay to live." pete said. "you probably already know josh, that spaz on the ground right there, and the.." suddenly his facial expression changed and he looked around in confusion. "hey guys, where's ryan?"

there was a tense silence.

"uh. wasn't he like just right here?" patrick said, his voice heightening with a bit of fear. even josh had managed to get up and had a panicked expression. the woods at night wasn't exactly the best place to lose your friend. "oh shit. ryan's fucking terrified of the dark. is his location tracking on for his iphone?"

when a scream of pure anguish cut through the air, everyone jumped out of their skin. patrick reached into pete's leather jacket pocket and fished out a small handheld flashlight, then began to run in the direction of the scream. "RYAN! where are you?" patrick called, his voice echoing through the old shrubby trees. everyone began to follow, but tyler hung behind for a couple seconds, hesitating. quickly he verbally scolded himself and followed, realizing that he'd gotten himself into this and would have to finish it. he could hear the crunching of grass under his feet as he ran, and his labored breathing from how fast he was running. once he was finally able to slow down and catch up, everyone was staring at something that tyler couldn't see.

"what are you guys look-" almost instantly, josh slapped his hand over tyler's mouth to silence him. confused, tyler tried to pull his hand away and ask what was happening again. this time, tyler got an even more vigorous scold. josh turned to face tyler, gripping his arm tightly and keeping a hand over tyler's mouth. "shut. up." he whispered urgently. trembling under the dominant grip of josh, tyler nodded his head, swallowing thickly. after what seemed like much too long to be keeping him in a hold like that, josh stepped back and turned back to look in the direction that the rest of them were looking. tyler took the chance to look too, which in his horror he saw ryan curled up at the bottom of a small overhang that was about fifty feet in the air over water.

"is he having an episode?" patrick said in a very quiet voice, his hand snaking over to grab pete's out of what tyler presumed was fear.

"yeah. i'll go get him." josh responded in the same somber tone. it didn't take very long for him to get to the overhanging rock where ryan was sitting in a protective ball. he wasn't anywhere close to the edge, so it wasn't too worrying as they all stood in silence, waiting for josh to coax ryan back.

tyler blinked in confusion. "what episodes?" he asked.

patrick's hazel eyes were dull with sadness as he watched josh talk ryan back to the group. "he gets episodes sometimes because of his ptsd. ryan had a rough childhood, and because of that he's literally petrified of the dark. i won't get into any detail why, but it triggers a lot of bad things for him. usually once he gets back to the group he feels better though," patrick sighed, "just don't tell him that you know any of that. he tries to keep it out of the public eye."

tyler couldn't help but feel terrible as he saw how defeated ryan looked as he approached back with josh at his side. his mousey brown hair was disheveled, and his eyes were watery and red with tears. when tyler came out here, he didn't expect to see something quite like this. he avoided making eye contact with ryan, but quickly ended up catching josh's gaze. the look in his eyes was unmistakable. it was one of the curiosity, and a little bit of something that tyler couldn't quite recognize. he had an idea, but he prayed that it wasn't what he thought it was.

it was well past one in the morning when tyler finally got back home. he'd made a lot of conversation with patrick, who honestly made tyler the most comfortable out of the group. he seemed really sweet, and tyler was very thankful for that. tyler had a hard time talking to strangers, but for some reason it didn't feel like those guys were strangers. he didn't have much trouble talking to them. it didn't feel weird to him to speak to someone for once. tyler was ecstatic to feel like a normal person who socially interacted with other humans and not just his cat. speaking of his cat, tyler could feel her curled up against his bare chest. even though she wasn't fuzzy or soft like a normal haired cat, tyler loved the contact regardless. she almost felt like another human being beside him instead of just a cat because of her hairless skin.

because of tyler's obvious solitary nature, he never truly realized how lonely he was. he never really thought about why he felt so empty, why the world seemed boring other than his photography, why even the beautiful sunsets couldn't repair the darkness. despite how much he denied his evolution, humans were social mammals who needed at least the smallest bit of attention in order to function properly.

for now, he was content with the crippling mixture of doubt and loneliness.

it was better than a broken heart.

 


	2. is this guy giving you trouble?

_click.. whirrwhirrwhirr.._

tyler was caught off guard by the unusual noise that his camera made once the photo slid out. his brow furrowed as he took the photo carefully between his fingers and examined it. the rottweiler dog he'd taken a picture of had come out, but strangely, the camera hadn't fully printed the photo. the half-printed photo was sketchy and blurry. tyler cursed himself under his breath, realizing that it was probably running out of ink. he was pissed, mostly because he knew he couldn't afford to buy any more of the wicked expensive color ink that was for his old camera. it seemed like every year the price jumped, which made it harder and harder for tyler to afford it. the price of the ink was cheaper than buying a new camera, so tyler didn't have much of a choice.

tyler sighed, dropping the camera back down so it hung around his neck and glancing back up at the dog. it whined at him and pawed at the cage. tyler couldn't help but smile, but it was a sad one, one of sympathy. "hey buddy. what's your name?" he whispered, reaching over to check the papers by the dog's kennel. he read aloud, "sunshine," before blushing when he realized that the dog was female. "oh, sorry honey. i thought you were male. i don't see very many female rotties come through here i guess." tyler added apologetically.

"talking to the dogs again, ty?"

the petite boy turned around, spooked to hear a woman's voice behind him. tyler quickly relaxed when he saw familiar sky blue eyes. "jenna," he greeted, "it's just you. you scared me."

jenna was the director of the animal shelter that tyler tended to choose to take photos at. she was a pretty young woman, with sparkling blue eyes that reflected joy and long blonde hair all gathered up into a bun. the white beanie atop her head matched her outfit of navy blue leggings and an also white work shirt with the shelter logo, which hugged her slim figure nicely. any straight guy would think she was gorgeous, but tyler was not any guy, or straight. "sorry. i didn't mean to. i was just wondering who you were photographing today." jenna chirped, before taking a couple steps forward to kindly stroke the top of the rottweiler's head. "hey sunny, how you doing?" she cooed sweetly.

tyler smiled. "do you want me to take her out for a walk?" he asked quietly. he jumped when sunshine barked out of excitement of the word walk, and jenna laughed promptly after.

"looks like now you have to after saying the dreaded 'w' word. her leash is right in the bin over there, the yellow one with blue spots. she shouldn't be too rowdy, so you don't need to pull on her very hard." jenna pointed to the small bucket that was full of assorted collars and leashes for the dogs.

nodding, tyler walked over to the bin and began to dig through for the described leash. once he found it and was heading back to the kennel, jenna spoke up. she gently placed a hand on tyler's shoulder. "since i was one of the contacts on your paperwork, i got an email this morning from dr. fredrickson. i just want to let you know that i'm right here for you, okay? you can tell me anything, and call me anytime." she whispered, keeping her voice low so nobody else but tyler could hear. tyler felt a weight in his stomach, and it made him feel so sick. it wasn't that he didn't trust jenna, it was more that he didn't really want her to know. tyler didn't want her to know that there was even a possibility for it, but it was his choice to put her on the list instead of his parents. tyler definitely didn't want them to know, not with their obvious prejudice against his 'lifestyle'.

"i know, jen. don't worry. i'm fine. we don't even know for sure yet, so i can't really worry about anything." tyler murmured, forcing a smile in order to keep back his welling tears. jenna didn't really seem to notice, as she smiled back and removed her hand.

"good. i'm just a call away if you need me." she responded, turning around to leave tyler to get sunshine out of her kennel. once jenna was out of earshot, tyler let out another long sigh. he turned to look down at the rottie, who turned her head and whined loudly. blinking, tyler's frown turned into a smile when he saw that cute begging face.

"okay. fine. let's go." tyler said, carefully opening the kennel door and kneeling down to wrap the collar around sunshine's neck. once it was fastened properly, tyler stood back up and began to lead her out the dog kennel room. as soon as tyler stepped out, he heard a _very_ familiar voice. it was on the tip of his tongue, but it quickly hit as soon as tyler saw the face. a man in a red hoodie with a small carrier in his hand turned around from the front desk after hearing the door shut, and tyler froze.

hot pink hair peeked out from the sides of the hood, and an achingly familiar smile graced the man's face. placing the carrier on the desk, the man fully turned around to speak. "tyler, wasn't it?" he said, "i remember you." his voice was rather husky, and it left tyler lost and searching for words. he would be lying if he said josh wasn't absolutely wonderful to look at.

finally shaking out of his trance, tyler was able to talk. "u-uh.. y-yeah.. that's m-me." tyler squeaked, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over him at the high frequency of his tone. sunshine let out a low growl, noticing how tense tyler was and using it as a reason to be protective. "hey, no!" tyler quickly scolded, turning his back for a second to do so. he nearly yelped out in surprise when he felt a hand brush his hip, making tyler back up a pace and into the wall. red as dark as josh's hoodie splashed over tyler's face as josh placed an arm in the direction of tyler's only escape, trapping the younger man in the corner. josh was standing way too close for comfort, and it made tyler's stomach do a somersault. hot, cinnamon scented breath fanned over tyler's face, making him flinch back. he probably should have let sunshine growl.

"i didn't know that you work here, hm?" josh questioned.

swallowing thickly, tyler responded, "i-i d-don't. i-i just volunteer s-someti-"

josh definitely wasn't prepared for the rottie at tyler's feet to lunge forward and bite his calf, a growl tearing through her throat. he jolted back instantly, kicking his leg out in order to shake sunshine off. a few strings off of josh's jeans hung from her mouth. " _what the fuck!_ " josh sneered, his voice suddenly ridden with so much venom that it scared tyler to the core.  sunshine began to bark viciously, alerting jenna who was only in her office a few feet away. "get that stupid fucking dog under control!" he shoved tyler's chest, forcing out a terrified whimper from the younger male. tyler was trembling again, and he felt just as vulnerable as he had only the night before, under josh's grip.

"is this guy giving you trouble?"

tyler silently thanked god when he heard jenna approach. her tone was very sharp, and obviously a warning to the man she didn't know. josh quickly retreated, realizing that with the addition of someone else nearby he wouldn't be able to do anything. stepping a pace back, josh glanced up at jenna, his gaze actually quite submissive for the actions that he'd just made. tyler couldn't help but feel a twinge of bemusement through the bone chilling fear.

"y-yeah.." tyler whispered quietly, a plea for jenna to help. she immediately got the message, and put on her bitch face.

"could you please back away from the volunteers? they probably do more than you do in your day and they do it for free." jenna said with a straight face that screamed danger. she was able to speak so sharply that it made josh flinch, and he retreated back to the front desk as quick as he could. tyler was still shaking, but his gaze caught up with jenna's and he silently thanked her. nodding her head in acknowledgment, jenna turned back to walk into her office, leaving the door half open in order to keep an eye on the pink hue standing nearby. tyler almost ran out the front entrance with sunshine hot on his heels, desperate to escape the situation as fast as he could muster.

once the stuffy air turned into the warm california breeze, tyler could breathe once more. it was such a relief to make it out, and be back on his own again. this was why humans always stressed him out and ended up leaving tyler lost. jenna was the only exception. tyler didn't even trust his own family, not after they threw him out and forced him to find his own way. why would he trust the people who had done something that hurt him as much as that? taking in a deep breath, tyler began to walk his normal route, sunshine right at his side, heeling to match his speed. tyler glanced up towards the pale blue sky, then back down at the hot pavement below. the cars that whizzed by tumbled up a sharp breeze, and left a haze of foul tasting smoke in their wake. once tyler rounded the block twice, he approached the very same parking lot once more.

he was hesitant to enter the shelter again, terrified that josh would be in there. perhaps terrified wasn't the right word. tyler wasn't scared of josh unless he got angry, but otherwise, tyler felt something much different. maybe it was infatuation, maybe it was attraction, plain old puppy dog love for a beautiful looking stranger. the only thing that brought him back was the fact that josh was another person, and people were very unpredictable. all they did was butter you up and then leave, and you couldn't stop wondering what you did wrong. at least that was tyler's perception on how everything went for his relationships.

why were humans so _cruel_ sometimes?

tyler was able to kennel up sunshine again rather quickly and leave the shelter, wanting to be alone as fast as he could possibly muster. the relief of home was so great that tyler was able to collapse lightheartedly onto his bed, letting out a sigh of contentment and taking in the largest breath his lungs could carry. when he let it back out, tyler was so calm that it was actually quite wonderful to exist right now. his trance was broken by a loud knock at the door, making him jump. tyler groaned reluctantly as he rose to his feet.

"can the masked murderer at the front door please pick another day?" tyler called out, walking towards the door and opening it in a dramatic swing motion. he was surprised when he saw the same very familiar face.

"i'm uh.." josh had a small box in his hands, covered in shiny black paper and topped with a small red ribbon, "i'm really sorry that i'm an asshole." he actually seemed quite genuine, and it was a breath of fresh air from their last encounter. tyler glanced down at the box, blinking in confusion and then looking back up to meet josh's gaze.

josh chuckled awkwardly. "it's for you.. you can open it." he added quietly, taking one of tyler's hands and placing the box in it carefully. raising an eyebrow, tyler was unsure of whether to trust him or not. "i swear that it's not a poisonous snake that'll bite you in the face. scouts honor." a lopsided smile crossed josh's lips as he waited for tyler to open it.

finally giving in, tyler cautiously untied the ribbon and peeked inside the lid of the box. his jaw dropped and he closed the top, glancing up at josh in shock. "no. way. how the hell-"

"i follow your blog on tumblr. i saw your vent post a couple months ago about your situation with that old camera you have. and my sister told me that it can be hard to scan photos and stuff so i thought that a digital one would be a good gi-" josh's rambling was cut off by tyler leaping forward and engulfing him in a hug. caught off guard by the strength of this small boy, josh stumbled back a pace. however, a smile graced his features again as he felt the gratitude practically radiate off of tyler.

tyler drew back quickly, still looking at the brand new camera in pure awe. "i can't take this.. y-you can't just give something like this away? i don't deserve it." tyler sputtered, feeling almost guilty as he held this obviously expensive as hell camera. it honestly made tyler wonder how much revenue josh's channel made, also as he held this at least a thousand dollar camera.

"well you also didn't deserve me being an asshole either, so, just take it. it wasn't that much i promise." josh was definitely lying right through his teeth, because tyler knew for sure how much this camera actually was. he'd looked at plenty of dream models before, and this was one of them. however, he just let it slide, not wanting to start an argument over a gift.

tyler let out a frustrated sigh, then glanced back up at josh who had the biggest shit eating grin on his face. tyler raised a brow, nonverbally asking why he was doing that. "i'm sorry." josh responded, catching tyler's attention once more, "thought i saw something of mine behind you in the house, is there a chance i could come in and check?"

"oh my god." tyler snorted with laughter, knowing he'd regret this later. "if you're that certain, come on in and take a look." opening the door enough for josh to walk in, tyler took a step back and rolled his eyes.

playing along for a couple minutes, josh looked around the living room, but, he quickly turned back around and said. "maybe i left it somewhere else, hm? well, i'm already here so maybe i could stay a little while." he announced, striding over to tyler. tyler couldn't help but roll his eyes again.

"make yourself at home." tyler murmured.

silence overtook the two, and it took a while for one of them to break it. josh was the one who did. "do you have any alcohol here?" he asked innocently, his brown eyes wide with unknowing. it was definitely an act, but tyler was willing to get a kick out of it and play along.

"yeah. i got a mini bar, but it's not super full. probably just wine, rum chata, and beer. i think." tyler responded, glancing up at josh who was starting to walk towards him.

josh stopped a couple inches in front of tyler, who was definitely nervous just judging by his body language. he was fidgeting, eyes shifting, and biting his lip.

josh smiled sweetly.

"that's enough to have a little fun."


	3. the hibidy dibidy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, josh did not rape tyler. it's referring to an earlier event before the book takes place.

tyler's head was on fire. it felt like it was being split apart right in front of his very eyes, and he couldn't bare it any longer. he felt how strangely warm his bed was for a split second, but tyler was in too much pain to really think about it. hobbling to the bathroom, he came to a stop at the sink and nearly doubled over. tyler reached up in the medicine cabinet and snatched a fluorescent orange bottle, opening the cap and gazing at the candy like tablets that filled it. shaking that thought out of his head, tyler took two and shut it. cupping some water in his hands, tyler slurped it up to help get down the pills. finally, with a defeated sigh, tyler returned to bed. climbing into the warm, cozy relief that was his bed, tyler rolled onto his side and began to doze off rather quickly.

that was completely halted by the feeling of arms snaking around his waist and a sigh that wasn't his own. tyler froze up, sucking in his stomach as the strange arms crossed over it. tyler slowly began to roll over, fear rushing through his body in laps as he was on edge to see what was happening. just as he thought, a certain man was laying in his bed, one with a wonderful face and pink hair. however, tyler was unable to contain himself and he quickly hauled ass out of that bed, reaching down to take a dirty towel that was on his floor to wrap around his naked body. tyler was horrified. this is why he never drank. as he moved so quickly, josh stirred. he slowly sat up, and tyler almost got sick. he was shirtless, and by the looks of it, he wasn't wearing anything _down there_ either.

"did we do it last night?" tyler said in a somber tone, tears starting to leak from his eyes.

josh was caught off guard by the over the top reaction he received from tyler, but he spoke anyway. "uh.. yeah.. we were both kinda drunk you said that you wanted to.. i swear i didn't do anything until you said it was okay.. are you okay though..?" he looked nervous to the fact that tyler was beginning to cry.

"p-please tell m-me you used protection.. oh fuck.." tyler could barely breathe as he bolted towards the bathroom. he felt so helpless, and now he was terrified. what if the tests came back positive? what if he'd just done the same as dallon? he wouldn't ever forgive himself.

tyler could feel all of his negative emotions all coming out at one, burning like a poisoned ocean in his brain as he bent over the porcelain bowl that had come to be his best friend. tyler couldn't feel anything but hurt. he couldn't take the hurt anymore in his delicate balance that was his mind, so he forced it to come out. shoving his fingers down his throat, tyler gagged relentlessly for a few seconds before he finally was able to let the poison escape. his throat burned, ripped raw from the acids that came up because of his empty stomach. a minute or so in, tyler was still gagging, saliva dripping from his swollen lips. he heard the door open, and tyler gave up trying to hide. this was the part of him that he tried his best to hide. the one that vomited at least three times a week to cope because he couldn't stop how good it felt to get rid of that poison. the one who was terrified of other humans and tried his best not to show it.

any person would probably just pack up and leave, but josh was not any person. he knew tyler better than tyler thought he did. this was due to following tyler's blog for a while now, where he ranted lots about his personal life and struggles. josh knew that out of any moment, tyler needed someone there right now. "would it make you feel any better if i said that i did? i'm not a prostitute." josh tried to lighten the mood a little with his little quip, hoping that it would make tyler feel better with whatever inner battle he was going through right now. however, he was utterly wrong. quickly tyler's personality turned into something that josh couldn't have ever imagined coming from someone that looked so submissive. "get the fuck out." he snapped, whirling around with a look of pure disdain on his face. josh's brow furrowed and he tilted his head slightly to one side in confusion.

"what?"

"i said _get the fuck out._ are you deaf?" tyler snarled, wobbling to his feet. his voice was meant to scare josh, but it didn't seem to. this was derailed even further when tyler's ankle buckled from weakness, and he nearly tumbled to the ground. grabbing onto the sink beside him, tyler panted with effort and josh took a step forward to attempt to steady the smaller man. a defeated expression replaced the once angry one that spread across tyler's soft features, and he simply sighed when josh gently stroked his cheek.

"you and i both know that you don't mean that." josh whispered, a sad smile on his face.

tyler didn't want to admit that he was wrong, but he knew full well that josh had read him like a book. tyler's pleas for people to leave usually meant that he wanted to  
see if they cared enough to stay, which was uncommon in the crowds that tyler used to hang out with. he fiddled with the edge of his towel, fighting back tears.

"just let me take care of you, okay? i wouldn't dare do anything to ever hurt you." josh promised, his voice stable and having no hesitation within his words. tyler wanted to believe him so bad. he wanted to believe that he wouldn't have to worry about being hurt. but that was his only fear in this world.. besides thunderstorms. he knew that people talked and they talked and they talked, but when did they ever truly act? "please? just give me a chance. i promise i won't let you down." josh added, almost as if he was begging.

tyler glanced down at the ground, unsure of what to say. after a few tense moments, he was able to muster enough courage to speak.

"okay.."

 

 

 

tyler had dozed off hours ago. thankfully, josh didn't have to work today, so he was able to stay as long as needed. gently sliding out from under the sleeping tyler who had settled himself halfway lying on josh, josh brushed a piece of his chocolate brown hair off of his forehead. it hurt to see how broken this boy truly was. it was too early to say for sure, but josh definitely felt something that was much different than friendship for this petite boy. it was a warm, fluffy feeling that had been so strong the night before that it left a pounding ache in josh's heart. he hadn't drank as much as tyler, so josh was able to remember a little of what happened. it was actually quite pure, besides drunken remarks that would make his grandmother cringe. just the thought of the words that had come out of the younger male's mouth sent a shiver down josh's spine. perhaps tyler was just a _very_ big fan of dirty talk. brushing that aside, josh began to snoop around the small, yet homey and nice looking house.

the first thing the pink hue noticed was the fact that there were plenty of cat-related items in the house, even a big cat tower with toys. however, josh hasn't seen any cat yet. maybe it was shy. josh wasn't the biggest fan of cats, since he was more of a dog person, but he didn't mind them. they were pretty cute as babies. josh's curiosity was heightened when he heard a very light, feathery meow echo in the quiet house. turning back around to face the living room where tyler was sleeping, josh began to creep back into the room. laying limbs together like a loaf of bread in the center of tyler's back was a cat that was so ugly that maybe it was a littlebit cute. wrinkly and hairless, this cat's bulging eyes opened a crack to see who was in the room as well. josh had never seen a cat like this one before, and he couldn't help but wonder what planet the creature had come from. it slowly rose to its feet and let out a yawn, stretching out each leg in turn and jumping back down to the floor. claws touched the floor in a _pitter patter_ sound that echoed in the house as the cat approached, back arching up and tail raising as it rubbed against one of josh's legs. cracking a smile, josh crouched down and began to pet it, listening to the faint purrs he received in return.

interrupting the purrs and silence, a quiet text notification was just barely caught by josh's ears. he turned away from the cat and carefully approached the phone that was charging on the coffee table. it was tyler's, a yellow iphone c with a pretty badly cracked screen. across the small screen was a text message, with the name set as just the letter _x_. the lock screen preview was off though, which quickly shut down josh's curiosity. letting out a disappointed sigh, josh ran a couple of his fingers through his hair absentmindedly. he didn't mean to lurk, but josh couldn't help but wonder why tyler would have that feature shut off. not many people did, and it usually screamed that they had secrets to hide. josh took a quick glance over to tyler to make sure he was still sleeping. when he was reassured that the coast was clear, josh picked up the phone and pressed the home button. the lock screen popped up and josh quickly realized that he would never be able to crack this code. it was eight numbers long and the only other choice was a fingerprint.

"fuck.." josh cursed to himself, setting the phone back down on them coffee table and plugging the charger in again. he sighed in defeat and walked back over to the couch.

"hey, angel? it's almost noon. you've been napping for a while." josh murmured, pressing a gentle kiss on tyler's freckled shoulder. the younger man let out a squeaky yawn, stretching his arms out high over his head and mumbling something in protest under his breath. tyler beckoned for josh to carry him, and the pink hue couldn't help but laugh. latching onto him like a baby chimp, tyler buried his face into josh's chest. "if you wanna' get dressed, we can go get something for breakfast." josh suggested, carrying the quite light boy back to his bedroom. he gently placed tyler down on his bed, but tyler still had an obviously irritated morning face on.

"can i ask you something?" josh broke the silence..

"sure."

"are we something?"

"i don't know. were you planning just a fling or actually something more?" tyler didn't want to be lied to. if it was just a fling, he didn't care. that was common practice when it came to tyler's sex life. at least, it used to be until-

"i'm not sure.. i haven't been in an exclusive relationship with a guy in a while. couple years.. i think." josh responded, shrugging a shoulder. he definitely liked tyler, but he was scared that he would do something wrong. josh didn't know it, but tyler was afraid of the exact same thing when it came to intimacy.

"what do you mean?"

josh shrugged again. "i've dated both guys and girls in my time. but if i had to choose, i mostly prefer guys. they're much easier to choose where you want to eat with." josh chuckled, and so did tyler. tyler understood that one. whenever he and jenna went to get something before work sometimes, jenna could never decide. perhaps it was just a girl thing.

"i was forced to date a girl back in high school. well, not physically forced, but i was so scared of my parents figuring out i was gay that i forged a fake relationship with one of my best friends. let's just say that my family isn't really the most accepting. after i was eighteen though, i was finally able to explore more. on my own i figured out the stuff that i like and the stuff i don't, i haven't really had an exclusive relationship either in a while." tyler rambled on for a while, but josh didn't seem to mind. he liked getting to know people, since it helped him gain perspective on who they were and how they came to be that person. it was interesting.

"so," tyler mumbled, "is that a yes or a no?"

josh cracked a smile. he didn't have the usual feeling that this was going to utterly burn in flames, so josh was willing to take a chance. "i think we should give it a try."


	4. well, i have seen better views

"you're _what?_ "

tyler flinched at jenna's excitement. she looked so happy to hear that tyler was trying something out that he usually wouldn't. she hadn't seen tyler with someone in nearly a whole year, and it made her ecstatic. "oh my god. this is wonderful, ty! i'm so happy for you. what should your ship name be? dunseph? tysh? how about joshler?"

tyler blushed, waving desperately for jenna to lower her voice. "shut up. we're not even really a thing yet. it's just.. i don't know. i don't really want to get into another relationship until the tests come back. if i have those worries, then i don't want to bring someone else into the situation.." tyler explained, resting his chin on his palm in embarrassment.

jenna's brow furrowed. "didn't you guys already.. y'know.. do it already though?" she asked.

tyler could have melted on the floor out of shame. "yes. i know. but i just really don't want to risk it again. i know that it doesn't completely take the risk away but he said that he used a condom. i was way too drunk to remember if he did or not myself.. but at least that his words are a relief for right now. i just really didn't want anything to happen until next week at least, but i guess not everything happens the way you want it to." he felt like everyone was staring at him, making him even more nervous than he already was. "i can't take it back now, so i just really hope that he's not lying. who knows what could happen if he isn't telling the truth.."

jenna hummed in acknowledgment. as silence overtook the conversation, she realized that tyler probably wanted to change the subject. "are you actually going to go on that vegas trip with him and his friends, though? that sounds so fun." jenna asked, grinning and swinging her legs like a child.

tyler shrugged, smiling meekly. "i want to, it would be a good time to try out that camera he bought for me. but i'm just a little nervous that i've never been to vegas before. it seems so intimidating." he fiddled with the hem of his hoodie.

"don't worry about it! vegas is the perfect place to discover things about yourself. if any place would be accepting of nearly anything, it would be vegas." jenna enthused, "i went there for my bachelorette party. and i've been a couple other times just for fun."

tyler snorted. "i bet mark was _so happy_ to let you go to the 'sin city' for your bachelorette party. sounds like a husband's nightmare." he joked, biting the end of his sweater sleeve.

jenna nodded in agreement. "he definitely didn't like it very much. however, i promised that i'd facetime him every night at midnight sharp. that helped," she shifted the subject back to tyler quickly, "but this shouldn't be about me. did he mention any of the things that he and his friends were going to do there? any plans?"

"not really. nothing was quite set in stone yet. it's still a week away. we fly out the day after my appointment to get blood drawn." tyler responded. he was so terrified to actually do something a little out of his comfort zone, but with the encouragement of his best friend and love interest, perhaps he could muster up the courage to try today. maybe he was blinded by the excitement of it all, but that wasn't a reason for tyler to stop. he wanted to be who he once was. he wanted to be ready for the next adventure and slap fear on the top of its nose.

tyler smiled.

maybe he could try to be that person again.  
  
  
  
  


 

tyler could scarcely keep his eyes open as he sat absentmindedly on the couch, watching some random tv show on netflix. he'd started out watching stranger things, but once he finished the season, he went on to check out riverdale finally after being scolded by jenna for not watching it yet. the house was quiet besides the faint speaking of people on screen. precious purred softly, rubbing her wet nose on tyler's chin and nudging him awake.

"w-what..?" he murmured, yawning.

precious meowed again, jumping off of tyler and curling her wrinkly tail. he simply groaned reluctantly and rolled over, kicking his recliner up and leaning back against the soft couch padding. his days off always consisted of catching up on sleep and sitting in one spot for hours upon hours. tyler was a simple man of sleep and photography. he worked for multiple companies at a time, either taking photos for magazines or for various entrepreneurs who needed him to set up portfolios of their prototype inventions. he made enough money to survive, and that was good enough for him.

another hard nudge of a wet nose against tyler's skin jolted him awake once more. he resisted to urge to just swat precious away so he could sleep. precious meowed louder and scratched at the front door, trying to get the half-awake tyler's attention. tyler heaved a sigh and managed to get himself to his feet, approaching the door and opening it up for precious to slip out. she liked to explore out in the forest behind tyler's property, and he let her without much of a second thought. he was about to turn back and close the door when he noticed a car coming up the road to his house. squinting to block out the sun that was beaming brightly as it drowned behind the trees, tyler stood still, trying to make out the car. a small smile graced his lips when he realized whose car this was.

"did i miss a booty call.. or..?" tyler called out, seeing that the window was rolled down so his voice could travel far enough to be audible.

as the grey honda civic parked, a familiar man stepped out with a shit-eating grin on his face from tyler's comment. "no. i just dropped by to ask if you were up to taking a night out of this little home you like to hide in." josh inquired, walking up to the house where tyler was standing on the little porch.

tyler blushed as josh pressed a sweet kiss to his forehead, making him giggle lightheartedly. "maybe," he chirped, "depends on what your plan exactly is for tonight."

"i was thinking that maybe you could join me and the team on a little outing for a shoot. your property was just the beginning of our video production." josh enthused, leaning on one of the wooden poles that supported the deck's roof. smitten, tyler immediately nodded, not quite paying attention much to what josh was saying. he was pretty much just stuck staring.

"you're drooling." josh pointed out, a small amused smile on his face.

tyler instantly snapped out of his trance, flushed with embarrassment as he went to wipe his mouth, thinking that josh was actually telling the truth. when josh snorted with laughter, tyler shoved him on the shoulder angrily. "shut up! am not!" tyler grumbled.

the two entered the small house, josh flopping down on the couch where it was still warm from tyler laying there earlier. "were you sleeping?" josh asked curiously, propping his feet up on the recliner.

"yeah. napping i guess." tyler responded. he quite frankly was feeling a little better. he wasn't sure what it was, but josh made him feel like he wasn't alone. like he had something to be around for. it was a breath of fresh air for tyler, who had gotten used to just him and his cat being the only two beings on earth.

a silence overtook the room, but it wasn't an uncomfortable one. tyler's attention was caught by josh jerking his head to one side, and he gently patted his lap. tyler blushed madly once more, slowly walking over and settling down with a sigh in josh's lap. he nuzzled his face in the crook of the older man's neck, curling up his legs protectively. god. saying he was smitten was an understatement. it didn't feel like just a few days before, josh had shoved and threatened him. tyler had chosen to erase that part out of his memory, simply because since then he'd not once felt uncomfortable. he believed that this was the josh that he should have seen first, and that it was his fault that he'd seen that side so harshly.

that was _definitely_ all his fault.

"so," josh murmured into tyler's ear, "what's the verdict, sir joseph?"

tyler couldn't help but snicker a little under his breath at the nickname. "well.. i _guess_ that i can grace you with my presence in a couple shoots." he responded in the same low, dramatic whisper. josh chuckled, wrapping his arms loosely around tyler's thin waist. tyler could have sworn just then that he felt a bolt of electricity soar through his body.

"the guys are waiting on us. no matter how much i wanna' sit here and just hold you all day, there is work to be done." josh pointed out, pressing a gentle kiss behind tyler's ear.

tyler grinned, trying to hold in his child-like laughter. "oh i see. well, we can't be late now, can we?" he slid off of josh's lap, yelping in surprise as when he turned around josh playfully slapped tyler's bum. "josh!" tyler quickly scolded, whirling back around. he couldn't stay mad at that meek smile and blushing face for long, though.

"you stay here, perv. let me grab a better hoodie." tyler commanded, walking down the hall to his room with a wrinkly cat following behind him. he carefully shut his door behind him, taking a deep breath from relief once the room was silent. he checked his closet for a different shirt, preferably a tank top because of the weather. he finally found one that he deemed suitable and tugged his old shirt over his head, tossing it into the hamper. tyler was turning around when he was caught off guard by josh coming towards him. before tyler could say anything, josh placed a hand on tyler's chest and very gently pushed tyler down onto the bed, leaning over him.

"i-i-" tyler struggled to find his words, but he was quickly silenced by a chaste kiss from josh. his jaw loosened, allowing josh to get closer and kiss a little harder. he felt josh stroke his bare arm, ever so softly. just the brisk touch of josh's fingers was enough to make him shiver. tyler inhaled through his nose so he wouldn't have to break the kiss off just yet. heart hammering against his chest so hard it felt like it was going to burst, tyler drew back for a moment to catch his breath.

"sorry.." josh murmured with a slight chuckle. "i got a little carried away seeing your fucking beautiful body again." tyler wasn't sure what it was, but his smile quickly turned into a frown. josh noticed it immediately, since he frowned too and his brows furrowed in confusion. "what's wrong?" he asked quietly.

tyler couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"n-nothing. i was just thinking.." tyler responded, shaking his head and dismissing the subject. he didn't allow josh to say anything is return, as he quickly slipped a hand behind josh's neck and pulled him into a harsh kiss. this definitely silenced him, and josh had already forgotten what the conversation was about.

tyler understood that sometimes things didn't need to be explained.

 


	5. flight flight flight pt. 1

tyler knew he would have to tell josh eventually. and that eventually would be today. his blood had to be taken today, and tyler had cried so many times already this morning. without josh present, tyler was able to sit in the shower for nearly an hour, crying like he'd never see the light of day ever again. he'd crumbled on the floor of the shower a while ago, sitting with his limbs tightly kept to his chest. he'd also cried over the fact that jenna was out of town today, and wouldn't be able to make it to be with him at the appointment. he only had one other choice of the person to go.

that was josh.

tyler was shaking so violently as he held the phone, still wrapped in his towel and sitting on the bed. he checked the clock. it was only an hour before he'd have to be there. the office was twenty minutes away. he had thirty minutes to be ready.

"hello?"

tyler nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard josh pick up and speak. "u-uh.. hi. it's um.. tyler.. c-could i just.." he mentally facepalmed, biting his lower lip so hard that he tasted blood. why was it so hard for him to just talk? "are y-you busy?"

"no. why? is something wrong?"

"uh.. can i-i just talk to you like.. for a second?"

"what's this all about? are you okay? did someone hur-"

"i need you to come with me to get my blood tested. i-i might be hiv positive and i can't go alone. please.. just please come with me. jenna can't and you're my only hope." tyler had never used those words before. he'd never admitted it out loud. he'd always tried to avoid it, but it wasn't the time to avoid it. josh deserved to know.

"p-please don't leave me. not now. even if you don't want to be with me anymore because it's obviously not something that is desirable, i respect that, i just really fucking need you to be there with me. i need someone. _please_." tyler begged, breaking down into a mess of tears and sobbing that he couldn't keep back any longer.

there was pure silence on the line, dead air that made tyler feel so helpless. josh was going to hang up and leave. he was going to forget about tyler. he was going to scream at him for being so fucking disgusting. he was going to hurt tyler, he was going to hit him, he was going to scream at him.

except none of that happened.

none of it.

"i'm on my way over."

tyler could breathe again when josh finally responded, and it was like a breath of fresh air. he was so scared that it would have been over right then and there.

"th-thank you.. thank y-you s-so much.." tyler whimpered, nodding his head even though josh couldn't see him. once the phone had been hung up, tyler got dressed quicker than he ever had before. he didn't put much effort in, tossing on a plain grey sweater that was three sizes too big and a pair of black jeans. he wanted to feel comfortable, at least as much as he could. and tyler felt like a slut. dirty. like he had failed josh. how could he have ever gotten so drunk that he allowed a complete stranger to just.. just literally fuck him. tyler could barely fathom it. he hadn't even been kissed in years, let alone had sex with someone. his mind felt like it was running laps though, and he had to force himself to stop thinking of it. tyler had been told that it wasn't his fault so many times that it was boring by now.

tyler knew that it was his fault, so it didn't matter what everyone else said. nobody could change what happened.

"tyler?"

he turned around quickly, spooked. as soon as he saw it was josh, tyler sprinted towards him and practically jumped into his arms. burying his face into josh's chest, the waterworks started right back up again. "j-josh.. i'm so f-fucking sorry about all of th-this.. i-i ruined everything.. i-i'm just a f-fucking slut.. i-i'm fucking d-dirty and ugly and j-just plain horrible. th-this is all my fault.. all of i-it.." tyler rambled in a voice that was so strained that it made josh's heart ache.

"tyler.. no. don't even dare say that about yourself. you're not even close to anything like those words. you're fucking gorgeous. you're so wonderful that i can't even use any string of words to express how much i adore you. you're extraordinary, tyler joseph. don't let anyone else, not even yourself, tell you otherwise." josh held tyler's face in both of his hands, gazing deeply into those mocha brown eyes he could get lost in. he gently wiped away the tears as they fell down tyler's rose-tinted cheeks, smiling faintly. "now can i please get a smile from my strong baby boy? my prince?" he added in a whisper.

tyler nodded, the smallest of smiles forming. "i don't deserve you.." he murmured.

"of course you do, baby. if anything, i don't deserve you. now how about we go get your blood drawn, and then i can give you plenty of kisses and cuddles once we get back home, hm? let's just get it over with." josh proposed, smiling sweetly and taking one of tyler's hands to lead him.

tyler wiped his eyes with his sleeves one last time, nodding again in agreement. josh started the car while tyler called precious back into the house for the day. he fed her and locked the house up, then followed josh to the grey honda civic.

the car ride was quiet, very quiet. neither man felt like talking, at least not right now. they just listened to whatever was playing off of josh's spotify.

gentle waves of music flowed from the speakers, the sound of a string instrument gracing tyler's ears. he heard josh humming along as he carefully took one of tyler's hands, resting it on his thigh. with twined fingers, tyler felt whole. call it moving fast, but tyler had never felt this way about someone before. never. nobody ever even thought of tyler as more than sex appeal before, not once in his life. now, he was hooked on this feeling.

it was more than sexual appeal.

it was love.

"we're here."josh whispered, squeezing tyler's hand. tyler was knocked out of his trance, and he nodded quickly and unbuckled his seatbelt. on the short walk into the clinic, tyler felt like everyone was staring at him. like everybody knew.tyler wasn't able to face the lady at the front desk, not in his state of mind. josh had no issue with stepping up to the plate.

"good afternoon. i'm here with tyler joseph? he's scheduled to get blood drawn today with dr. fredrickson." josh said smoothly, motioning to tyler who only shyly waved a hand.

the woman smiled in a friendly, business manner. "of course, mr. joseph. you were just in last week. i'll let him know you're here. and if i may ask, who are you, sir?" she inquired, her gaze shifting to josh.

"i'm joshua dun, tyler's.." joshstumbled for a second, unsure of whether it was okay for him to take a title.

"boyfriend," tyler butted in, "he's my boyfriend."

josh blushed furiously, biting his lower lip.

with an amused chuckle, the woman nodded. "looks like you just got a promotion, sweetie. just take a seat over there and we'll be right with you." she responded, her gaze meeting josh's who was obviously a bit flustered.

the two men sat down beside each other, josh with a shit-eating grin and tyler with his head in his hands. "boyfriend. i like it." josh said proudly, leaning his head on tyler's shoulder and nudging his face with his nose. tyler was grinning under the cover of his hands.

tyler sat up and uncovered his face, then pressed a kiss to the top of josh's head. "i do too, bubby." he remarked happily.

after about ten minutes of useless chatter about the garbage kids movies they were playing on the screens, tyler spotted dr. fredrickson with a clipboard opening the frosted door that lead to the other half of the doctor's office. "tyler joseph?" he called, causing a couple heads to pop up out of curiosity. tyler quickly stood, hand and hand with josh as they walked back, following dr. fredrickson. tyler could have sworn he saw him smiling.

"take a seat on the chair right here, mr. joseph. we'll have to take a few vitals before we get to the important stuff." dr. fredrickson said, grabbing the long patch to take blood pressure off of its hanging post on the wall. he carefully wrapped the navy blue pad around tyler's arm. "so, may i ask who this is?" he pointed out, his gaze shifting to look at josh.

tyler blushed. "he's my boyfriend." he said quietly, still a little not used to saying that phrase and meaning it.

"i'm sorry for the little bit of an intruding question, but due to the circumstances of why you're here today, i think it would be best if i knew. first, do you go to this clinic, joshua, or a different one?" dr. fredrickson asked.

josh glanced up to the ceiling, thinking for a second. "this one. i see dr. ray though." he replied, crossing his legs.

"like i said, apologies for the intruding question, but have you two had any sexual intercourse in the past three months? oral or anal?"

tyler mumbled something under his breath along the lines of 'oh my god' as he was clearly embarrassed. josh was grinning to hide the fact that he was practically melting with shame as well. everyone sort of shared an awkward chuckle at once. "i'm deeply sorry, but i think it would be very wise if i knew." dr. fredrickson repeated again, looking a little flustered himself.

"y-yes.. just last week. josh says he used a condom but i think i was too drunk to remember if he did or not." tyler mumbled, his ears feeling hot with pure shame. he didn't want to tell anyone about it for sure, especially since he promised himself he wouldn't allow anything to happen until the tests had come back. tyler had clearly not been able to keep that afloat.

"well. i know that condoms aren't one hundred percent fool proof, but it's the best you can get until we get a diagnosis. i really recommend to keep using protection until we know for sure." dr. fredrickson swiveled around in his chair, having done all of the vitals in the duration of the awkward conversation. he typed something into his computer, then swiveled back around to speak. "i would also really recommend that josh is tested as well. i assume that neither of you do routine checkups? i could speak with dr. ray and get it all set up to do it right now with tyler. since you're already here i'm sure it won't take much longer."

josh and tyler exchanged looks, and they both sort of shrugged. "i wouldn't mind getting tested as well. i guess since i'm already here it would be a much better choice." josh responded with an acknowledging nod.

dr. fredrickson nodded as well, and he motioned for josh to scoot closertowards the chair that tyler was sitting in. "i'll go get dr. marie. she's very kind and i'm sure you'll love her. she's our routine phlebotomist. she'll take good care of you."he stood up, walking over to the door to leave. ****

as soon as the door closed, tyler looked up at josh, fiddling with the sleeves of his big sweater. "you don't have to do it too if you don't want to.." tyler squeaked, not sure what to say now that they were alone.

"don't worry. i want to. it'll be much better if we know.." josh murmured. his normal demeanor was actually quite diminished compared to how it normally was, and that scared tyler. this had to be a sign. a sign that tyler's time was limited. josh wouldn't want to stay with someone who was worried and being tested of having an std. why would he? why would he want a fucking slut like tyler?

the same horrific feeling of being crushed returned to tyler, and he had to pull his legs into his chest and bite one of his nails to calm himself down. josh leaned over, wrapping an arm around tyler's shoulder and pulling him into his chest protectively. he didn't want josh to feel obligated to be with him now that he knew tyler had baggage. what kind of relationship would that be? one ridden with guilt.

"no matter what those results come back as, i want you to know that i'm right here for you. i will never leave you based on something that you cannot control. you are still the gorgeous prince that i knew yesterday, and the day before, and the week before." josh said carefully, pressing a sweet, chaste kiss to tyler's temple. he didn't pull away far, resting his head against tyler's as they waited.

both of them could have sworn that they just scarcely dozed off, because they both jumped when the door opened. tyler didn't raise his head though, actually shifting a bit so he could bury his face into josh's warm chest. josh perked his head up, realizing that at least one of them had to speak.

"i'm sure dr. fredrickson introduced me already, but i might as well be formal. my name is dr. jane marie, but you can just call me ms. jane." she reached out to shake josh's hand.

josh took it confidently. "i'm joshua dun. this is my boyfriend, tyler joseph. he's the one who made the appointment, but dr. fredrickson mentioned that it would be better if we both got blood drawn since i'm already here. i'm not sure if that would be okay or..?" josh sort of trailed off, massaging tyler's shoulder with a hand.

"ah, yes, i was informed of that. it would be okay for that to happen, but i would obviously need you to do the paperwork required,mr. dun. other than that, you'd be good to go." ms. jane explained, shuffling through her folder of papers and fishing out a multiple page stapled sheet. she handed it to josh, and also handed him a clipboard to use as backing. "here's the paperwork needed for the procedure. it's not too much, but enough to keep us from getting sued." she joked, trying to lighten the obviously a bit dreary mood.

however, tyler didn't really look like he wanted to be in a good mood."let's just get this over with.." he muttered, sitting up from leaning on josh and rubbing his eyes.

ms. jane understood the look in tyler's eyes, and quickly began the routine. disinfect the area, grab a sterile needle and vial, so on and so forth. tyler couldn't help but notice how freaking big the needle was, since it needed blood to pass through, and plenty of it. he tried his best to keep his arm still, but tyler was shaking out of pure fear of the needle. he hated them and they terrified him down to the core. josh gently pulled tyler's head into his chest once more, trying to keep him from looking. "it's going to sting a little, baby boy. just hang on to me, okay? it'll all be over soon." josh comforted quietly, pressing a small kiss to tyler's sweaty forehead.

tyler tried to focus on josh's sweet words and gentle consolation, but he _definitely_ felt when that needle pierced the skin. he seethed a curse under his breath, his free hand gripping tighter into josh's shirt. his whole body tensed up, and it stayed tense as josh watched the small vial fill with crimson. "you're doing wonderful, prince. you got it.." josh cooed softly.

once it was filled, the needle was carefully removed and tyler was able to look. there was a few droplets of blood where the needle left a decent mark, and tyler was finally able to loosen his grip on josh. he only winced a little when the blood was wiped off with a sanitation wipe, causing it to sting, but after that he was fine.

josh had to do the same, and they got matching bandaids in the crook of their elbows.after saying goodbye to dr. fredrickson and thanking him for everything, the two were able to leave the office.tyler was told to watch for a phone call within the next seventy two hours from the office, and the results should be back by then.

tyler was exhausted though, despite only having done minimal things today. the only big thing he did was going to the office. that was enough for him. tyler managed to convince josh to get him taco bell on the way back to his house, and tyler proclaimed that they would eat 'until they died from exhaustion'. this was proven as in mere moments after he finished his final taco, tyler was dozing off on the couch. josh couldn't help but smile. he threw away all of the wrappers and the bag, cleaning up until there was no trace of the random taco bell run. josh then carefully slipped an arm under tyler's thighs, and behind his shoulders to hoist him up. holding the younger man close to his chest, josh walked into the bedroom. when he set tyler down, he stirred slightly.

"time for a nap, baby boy? we got some traveling to do tomorrow." josh asked softly, pulling his shirt over his head, leaving him in his basketball shorts.

tyler nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly to a nice, well deserved nap. he stuck out his legs, asking for josh to help. josh snorted with laughter, but he did. he undid the button of tyler's skinny jeans, then shimmied them off, tossing them in the hamper. tyler then raised his arms up, this time making a small, throaty noise that made josh laugh again. josh carefully pulled tyler's shirt up and off his thin body, leaving the boy in a pair of pastel blue boxers. josh clambered into the bed, and tyler followed suit. nuzzling his face into josh's neck, tyler loosely sling an arm over his boyfriend's shoulder and pressed a few light butterfly kisses to the soft skin.

"night, baby boy." josh murmured gently.

"night, m'bubby.."


	6. flight flight flight pt. 2

tyler woke up to a slight snore. he muttered something under his breath about being too tired, then slowly sat up. josh was out cold, still snoring peacefully. tyler couldn't help but smile seeing josh looking so tired as well, and it was absolutely adorable the way his messy hair spilled onto his forehead. tyler lied back down, waking josh up with a few well placed kisses on his neck.

"u'huh?" josh murmured, tipping his head back so tyler could continue. tyler did just so, taking a little bit of initiative to lightly suck a few lovebites into the tender skin. josh hummed with pleasure, a small smile forming on his peony pink lips.

he returned to just little butterfly kisses, spanning them all over josh's exposed neck and face. "you awake now?" tyler mumbled against josh's warm skin.

"mhm' b'by boy." josh responded, his eyes fluttering closed once more as he groggily rolled onto his back.

tyler frowned. "no you're not. you gotta' get up right now." he scolded. deciding to take the most strategic way to get josh up, he clambered up on him and straddled his waist. just his added weight alone gained full attention from josh. "come on sleepyhead, we need to take showers before we leave." tyler whined. he began to bounce on josh, who was stuck thinking that this boy was bouncing way too hard on his groin.

"ughh.. stop.. i'll get up. just get off of me." josh groaned, rubbing his eyes and letting out a yawn. tyler complied, rolling off of the older man and sitting down indian style beside him. with a sigh, josh hauled himself up and out of bed. he walked towards the bathroom, but he glanced back at tyler who was obviously waiting for the question. "wanna' take a shower?" josh asked, pointing with his thumb towards the door. like an excited puppy, tyler stumbled to his feet and followed him. josh was the first in the shower, and he got the water warm enough to be bearable.

tyler hadn't taken a shower with someone in a very long time. last time he did was with a friend from elementary school, and they had the brilliant idea to put on swim trunks and just sit in the shower for almost an hour. childhood was a strange time for tyler.

he stepped into the shower as well, and tyler almost immediately noticed how different they were physically. now that he wasn't drop dead drunk, tyler was actually able to admire the handsome man in front of him. josh had a much more masculine figure, jagged edges, sun-tanned and lightly freckled skin, sharply defined muscles. he was skinny, but it was in an athletic way. it was very different than tyler, who had more pudge to him and more feminine curves to his body. tyler also happened to be as pale as the moon itself due to the large amount of time he spent inside. tyler's favorite part of himself though was his thick thighs, since it made his butt look big. tyler's least favorite feature was what criss-crossed the skin of his thighs and arms. they screamed at him that he had given up, that he wasn't enough. they told him that he would give in again eventually. 

they were very different, but at the same time, they felt as if they were one. celestial beings meeting together as one in the same, true star lovers. that's what tyler saw them as, and he hoped that josh saw the same.

_he did._

tyler wrapped his arms around josh's shoulders, nuzzling his face into his neck. it felt safe there, like nothing could ever hurt him. they were perfect harmony in soul, body, and mind. tyler could sense that feeling of home, and he promised himself that he would never let himself lose that.

he needed a home.  
  
  
  
  
  


"are you all packed?" josh asked, catching tyler's attention who was clearly in wonderland at the moment. he nodded, grabbing his black and white nike backpack. tyler took the house key off of its ring, walking out front and placing it under a rock that had a certain word etched into it.

"capture?" josh asked, "why that?"

tyler could have cried right then and there. however, he managed to offer a sad smile instead of breaking down. it still hurt, even years later. "my sister gave it to me a couple years back. something photography related since she knows i love it. before i dropped out of college, she told me that it was okay to give up on something if it wasn't working for you. at the time i was going for computer science, but it wasn't really my interest anymore. i wanted to quit, but my parents said that the least i could do to repay my family for messing up their reputation was to graduate and do what they wanted me too." tyler was about to continue, but josh interrupted.

"what do you mean? you ruined their reputation?" josh inquired as they walked towards the car. tyler didn't respond until he had tossed his stuff in the back and settled down in the passenger seat.

"my dad was a pastor at the church, my mom and sister worked with the kids. i was a part of the choir with my two brothers. we were all very much involved. but i made the worst fucking mistake of my life one day, and everything crumbled.." tyler let out a sigh. "i brought home a boy, someone from my class who i had a huge crush on. i thought my parents would be gone for the night, so we messed around a bit. it ended up getting more serious, and i was caught red handed by my dad. he tried to kick the shit out of the guy, but i fended my dad off long enough for him to run. instead my dad took out his anger on me. he beat the shit out of me, screaming about how i had ruined myself and this family. i had ruined the josephs with my crooked and disgusting ways. i would never have enteral life."

josh was sitting with a dropped jaw. he couldn't have ever imagined this actually happening to people. this was something that you would watch in a movie, or read in a book. it was hard for him to grasp that in this very earth, things like this actually happened. "baby.. oh my god." josh whispered, gently taking tyler's hand in his own. "i never even imagined.."

tyler was able to chuckle dryly. "i know. and after my brothers found out, they spread rumors all around the school. it became a living hell for me. i had never experienced such horrific times in my whole life. everyone shunned me. everyone saw me as a punching bag. guys would hit on me and then just brand me a slut, or a fag, or something else that they knew could get under my skin. junior year i broke for the first time. i took a whole bottle of aspirin. i couldn't keep it down, though, and threw them all up within minutes. i went to bed that night exhausted, believing that it was going to be the end of me. i hoped it would be. i hoped that they had dissolved enough to kill me. but.. they didn't. i woke up alive the next morning in my bed. i never screamed so loud in my whole life. i was _furious_. i couldn't understand why the world wouldn't just let me go.. so i tried a different method. this one got me in the hospital for sure, because my parents found me curled up in the bathtub with red-tinted water surrounding my body. i tried to slit my wrists, wrist to elbow. it didn't work either, because i woke up in the hospital two days later. they thought i wasn't going to make it. but i did.. and my family never forgave me. they blamed me for my family getting scrutinized by the church, how their son was a faggot and how i would never be accepted by god. i became a laughing stock after my attempt. everyone knew, and everyone began to crudely remark a lot of parts of the rumors. they called me hannah baker. my sister madison, however, did forgive me. she actually understood me, she never hated me. she loved me no matter what, no matter how fucked up i was. she helped me hide every boyfriend up until that point, she helped me hide my scars and all of my experiences. she was the only one who could understand." tyler didn't expect today to be story time, but all of the words tumbled out before he could stop them. he hadn't talked about his story in a long time, not to anyone directly. his tumblr was the only way that he could vent, but today was tyler's day to get it all out. he caught josh's eye, and he solemnly nodded. fingers brushed his hoodie sleeve, and josh carefully rolled them both up. white scar tissue ran down the underside of tyler's arms, just as he had told. they were fully healed and near skin color now, but the mark was long from healed. josh could envision blood pouring from those wounds, a broken soul dissatisfied with their life so much that they thought the only way to heal was to give up. it was terrifying to imagine someone thinking that way.

"tyler.." josh whispered so softly that it could barely be heard. "i don't ever want you to even think like that anymore. they lost something so precious when they treated you that way. you are the most gorgeous person i've ever met, both inside and out. you deserve only the best, and you should never settle for anything less than such." he was waiting for tyler to respond, but it never happened. tyler didn't feel like it was necessary. he was content with the conversation as it was at the moment, and he was content with ending it right there.

"we should probably head to the airport. we don't want to be late." tyler said, clearing his throat and trying to step pass the moment that had just happened. he leaned back in his seat, trying not to show any emotion that would hint as to how much he was hurting at the moment to speak about that again.

tyler joseph wasn't a piece of paper. he was more like a onion. he cried a lot and had plenty of layers. each was thicker than the last, and on the final one, was his core. he swore to protect that core for only him and only himself. he could feel that promise start to crumble though. it crumbled a little more every time josh touched him, told him everything would be alright, held him like it was the last day of the earth's existence.

"tyler," josh spoke up before he began to drive. tyler slowly glanced up, his puffy, reddened eyes meeting josh's. "i'm glad you told me." he added, smiling a little.

tyler managed to crack a smile too.

"alright, prince. let's head out." josh announced, switching his attention to the road and beginning to drive to the airport.

at least the plane ride wouldn't be long.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

tyler felt a nudge on his shoulder, stirring him back awake from his nap. he sat up from leaning on josh, glancing around for a second. "hm? what's up?" he slurred, scratching the back of his head with a yawn.

"we're nearly there. take a look outside." josh said, his voice heightened with excitement. he leaned back a little so tyler could peek out the window.

" _holy crap_.. i never expected it being this gorgeous." tyler said, his voice low with awe. he quickly reached into his carry-on bag under the seat in front of him, digging through for his camera. tyler definitely needed to get a good picture of it. steadying his arm by resting in on josh's shoulder, tyler blinked as he heard the faint click of it taking a picture. he immediately pressed the slideshow button, examining the photo he'd just taken.

josh peeked over to see it too. "jesus tyler. you're the best damn photographer i know." he whispered. tyler blushed, shaking his head.

"amatuer at best." tyler muttered, saving the photo to the hard drive and shutting off his camera. he wasn't supposed to have it on, but he had to get that insanely perfect photo op. stuffing it back into his drawstring bag, tyler leaned back on josh and sighed. he was antsy to get off the plane for sure. even though it was only one hour, he to stretch his legs.

tyler wasn't sure how he was able to doze off once more, but he awoke to the sound of the overhead bins opening and closing harshly. he didn't move though, realizing that they wouldn't even be able to get out for a little while. josh glanced behind his shoulder, looking for the rest of the crew. they were seated a few rows back since josh bought his tickets earlier than them. his face lit up for a second as he spotted them. "i'll wait for you outside the gate, yeah?" josh said. tyler heard patrick call back something in agreement.

"cm'om baby boy, we gotta' get up." josh said gently to the half-asleep tyler beside him. letting out a reluctant groan, tyler stood up out of his seat and stretched. he turned to face josh, who was smiling faintly. "you're so pretty." he cooed, earning a giggle from tyler.

"save it, mr. dun. we still have to get out of this crazy ass airport. try me again when we get to the hotel, hm?" tyler responded, completely shutting josh down before he even started. josh frowned, looking a little disappointed.

"what? so i can't even call my own boyfriend pretty? what kind of world am i living in.." josh pouted, crossing his arms like an angry child. he sure was acting like one.

tyler rolled his eyes. "you are _such_ a drama queen." he remarked with a snort of laughter, smiling so wide that it hurt his cheeks. "but you're my drama queen, so it's okay."

josh grinned slyly, happy to gain some of tyler's attention. his grin was wiped clean off of his face when he heard a male voice scoff and mumble something. josh furrowed his brow, and he quickly stood up. tyler made eye contact with the elderly man and his prissy looking wife sitting beside him, who both looked like they had just tasted something sour. "can i help you, sir?" josh sneered, shaking his head and shrugging out of disdain.

the section around them silenced, interested in the conversation that was taking place. "i said, can i help you sir? do you have something you want to say out loud now that you have all of our attentions?" josh added in a snappy manner, his gaze growing more intense.

the man scoffed once more, shaking his head. "i didn't ask for nobody's attention, son. you're just making a scene because you can't handle the fact that nobody here wants to see you making googly eyes at your _lover_. disgusting." he responded in the same snarky tone.

tyler could see the fire in josh's eyes, and he quickly tried to defuse the situation. tyler gently grabbed him, whispering tartly, "don't."

"what? is your boyfriend tellin' you what to do now? this generation is full of pussies and fags." the man grumbled, earning a couple surprised glances and dismayed murmurs from the people around who could hear him.

that was when josh had enough.

"you have no right to be a fucking cunt to me and my boyfriend simply because you're so stupid that you can't even _imagine_ allowing people to just be happy. what are we doing that hurts you? nothing. you're just some random guy who can't allow others to be happy because you're so discontented with your floppy wife and shitty life." josh blew up, his voice raising an octave. tyler was mortified, and he could see the same look of his on the faces of patrick, pete, and ryan as well.

"joshua!" tyler scolded, catching josh's attention. "that's enough. it's not worth it. drop it." he whimpered, "do it for me, please." with that plea, josh slowly began to calm down, melting right before those mocha doe eyes that met his so lovingly.

finally, a flight attendant had come to see what the commotion was all about. "we can't have this type of conversation taking place in our cabins. we have to ask you and your party to leave on behalf of our policies." the lady forced a smile, trying to seem like she didn't want to strangle every one of them. "could you please gather your things and stand up?"

josh rolled his eyes, nudging tyler to step out into the aisle. "that fucker started it." josh muttered, his temper short from the whole situation. tyler tossed his backpack strap over his shoulder, letting out a sigh. he was so damn embarrassed. everyone was looking at him, and by the looks of it, someone had been recording the incident as well. a couple of girls from the back of the flight who could just scarcely see were chattering excitedly. tyler was confused, glancing back to 'check if the rest of the crew was coming'. he managed to catch a glimpse of them on their phones, and one of them even caught tyler's gaze. he froze for a second, but quickly turned back around to keep walking down the aisle. pure fear surged like a storm into tyler's veins, because he could have sworn that one of them were recording the whole thing, and tyler had turned around and shown his face.

oh shit.

tyler had never once shown his face on his blog or anywhere else. it wasn't that he was insecure, or that he was scared that something could possibly happen to him, it was just that he didn't really want to. he wanted to be connected to his brand by talent, not by how he looked. there was no way that somebody could connect the dots and know who he was, right? that kind of stuff only happened in the movies..

the group all walked in silence, but that silence was quickly broken as soon as they all met outside the gate. "are we just going to all pretend that we didn't see those girls recording us? we could literally get in a lot of trouble for that." ryan spoke up, looking actually quite freaked out.

"no we won't. we weren't considered family friendly youtubers in the first place." pete pointed out.

"and josh was standing up for tyler. that guy was in the wrong. josh wasn't. if anything, it'll be putting him in a good light for stepping up for him and tyler's relationship." patrick quipped, smiling sweetly and winking at tyler.

despite still being a little unnerved, tyler smiled in return out of politeness. at least patrick had a point.

josh sighed. "let's just get out of here, okay? i don't need to be put on some list. we have an entire city to explore, and i don't want to feel like i'm being watched by the cia the whole time." he rolled his eyes dramatically, gently taking tyler's hand in his own. tyler squeezed it, managing to catch josh's eye.

tyler leaned over slightly and whispered in a hushed tone. "let's just hope that patrick is right.."


	7. what happens in vegas stays in vegas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that this kind of jumps around a little :'o there's a lot of things that i needed to shove in here in only about 3,000 words. this one is going to fuck you up a little. time for the drama to start to unfold!!! love all you bbys and please comment/kudos!! it shows me that you like what i do!!

vegas was honestly just as beautiful even when it was daytime. the hotel that josh had chosen had a wonderful view, it seemed almost surreal. despite living only a four hour drive from vegas, tyler had never been. but, that had changed today.

a coffee held in his hands, tyler stood in front of the window of the suite. it overlooked a lot of the city, and he could see for a decent amount of distance. he took a sip, letting out a small sigh. he hadn't ever seen himself here, not in a million years. he was a social recluse, a screwup in his family, a failed photographer. it was strange that he was in a suite on one of the top floors in a hotel in sin city.

he jumped as he felt arms slide around his waist. tyler quickly relaxed when he saw it was only josh. hooking his chin over tyler's shoulder, josh pressed a sweet kiss to his cheek. "it's too early to be awake, ty. whatcha' doing?" he whispered.

tyler shrugged. "it's nine, josh. that's not early." he snorted with laughter, shaking his head.

"it's early for me. i like my beauty sleep." josh responded. tyler slowly turned around, setting his paper coffee cup on the dark oak desk beside him. this freed his hands so he could affectionately wrap his arms around josh's neck, smiling.

"it doesn't seem to be doing you any good, mr. dun." tyler joked, enjoying the dismayed and offended look he received in return.

"you're an asshole, mr. joseph." josh responded, leaning in to his ear and nipping his earlobe playfully.

tyler yelped in surprise, bursting into a fit of giggles. "you're dumb." he snickered.

josh grinned, leaning back in and pressing a few kisses to the side of tyler's neck. a small gasp escaped his mouth, but he played it off with another chuckle. josh began to suck on the tender skin, gently locking his arms under tyler's bum. tyler hopped up, his legs finding a hold around josh's waist. having placed an adequate number of hickies on the younger man's neck, josh's attention switched and his lips softly met tyler's. tyler blushed furiously.

"you're so pretty." josh whispered against those peony pink lips that tasted so sweet. he loved the angelic way that tyler giggled, and the surprised noise that came from the back of his throat as josh carefully placed him on the bed. he immediately saw the look of unease in tyler's eyes, and he responded accordingly. "it's fine. i won't do anything you don't want me to." josh said quietly, kissing tyler's nose softly.

tyler nodded subtly. "josh?" he asked quietly.

"yeah?"

"you should kiss me."

josh couldn't help but laugh. "okay." he chortled, leaning in and gently pressing his lips to tyler's as he wished. it was almost intoxicating. josh took both of tyler's wrists in his grip, pressing them high over his head. tyler's light groan was drowned out by their locked lips, and it felt like a breath of fresh air. fuel to the fire. josh loved vocality. it told him that he was doing his job properly. "you like it when i take control..?" josh murmured, "you like feeling helpless?"

tyler squirmed a little, that sickly honey sweet tone vibrating in his ear causing a reaction in his body. he felt like he couldn't breathe. it wasn't a bad feeling, it was more of as if josh had drawn every ounce of oxygen out from his body through his euphoria-enduring touch. crescent shaped marks were forming where tyler had been digging his nails into his palms, an indication of his struggle to remain still.

josh saw this, and his drive to please only increased. he wanted to hear tyler's inner struggle. he left small, wet kisses from tyler's lips down his jawline, his grip getting more intense. tyler arched his back slightly, blinking rapidly as he could feel the pinch sharpen. josh slowly began to search for the weak zone, gently kissing up and down tyler's neck. it didn't take long for him to find it, as tyler wriggled slightly when josh's lips hovered over. a faint smile crossed his face, and he scarcely caught tyler's eye for a split second. lust had darkened those bright doe eyes, catching josh off guard. they pleaded. they begged.

josh could feel tyler squirm, and his frustration released at once. josh tactfully began to suck on the tender skin, feeling tyler shudder under his weight. "o-oh fuck.." tyler swore, his thighs squeezing around josh's waist. he knew that josh was enjoying this, and it was like a game. a game where it was predetermined that tyler would lose.

both of the men jumped when there was a knock at the door. they ended up accidentally bumping heads, completely ruining the tension that was the thing driving them forward.

"shit!" josh cursed, sitting up and shimmying off of tyler. both of them were in pain and completely flustered, but tyler managed to hurry to his feet and open the door.

"good morni- oh what the hell happened to you?" patrick's sentence was cut in half by his surprise, and he looked slightly concerned. "are those bruises?" he asked, taking one of tyler's wrists in his hand to examine it. tyler could have melted out of embarrassment. perhaps josh was a little bit rougher than he thought he was.

"n-no. it's fine. i'm fine. we were just-" tyler wasn't even able to finish a sentence before patrick gasped.

"OH MY GOD. are those hickies?" patrick had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. "pete you owe me forty dollars!" he yelled down the hallway. a couple moments later pete was running up with a bag of doritos from the vending machine.

"oh my god, i knew it. you guys are fuckin'!" pete snickered, popping a nacho in his mouth.

tyler shook his head vigorously. "n-no! no we weren't. w-we were just-" he was interrupted for a second time, but this time it was by josh.

"stop messing with him, guys. nothing that wouldn't be in a pg-13 movie happened in this room." josh called from his spot on the bed. he was still rubbing the spot where he had knocked heads with tyler, shaking his head in annoyance.

"so you guys did do something, just not the sexy sexy time?" patrick said, wiggling his brows suggestively.

"they obviously did. look at tyler's neck, he's got the mark of a horny bastard." pete remarked, pointing with a chip that was in his hand.

tyler immediately covered them with his hand once they were mentioned, nearly in tears from the amount of pure shame that washed over him. he didn't really know any of josh's friends well enough to not feel like they were judging his every movement, and this was probably the worst he'd felt in a long time over something so small.

"j-just shut up. what do you want anyway?" tyler grumbled, obviously uncomfortable just judging by his body language.

"we just wanted to go get breakfast first, and then we'd see what vegas has to offer besides gambling. that's basically all that's at this hotel." patrick explained, frowning a bit out of disappointment. tyler could agree. he wasn't a big gambler either.

"yeah. we'll be down in a couple minutes. go get us a table." tyler responded, nodding his head in agreement.

"alright. be down quick! no more sexy time until after five pm!" patrick said with a playful smirk as he and pete crossed the hall back to their room.

tyler closed the door  with a relieved sigh, trudging back over to the bed and flopping down on the soft comforter. "sexy sexy time." josh repeated, a grin of bemusement on his face as tyler quickly felt embarrassed again.

"you're the worst."

 

 

 

 

 

"you know what we should do?" ryan said with a smirk, using a hand to cover his mouth that was still full with chocolate chip pancakes.

tyler looked up, the rest of the table looking as well out of interest. pete still had a bag of leftover doritos in his hand. "we should splash in on the vegas rockstar pool party tour." ryan proclaimed, "and i have the perfect person to get us in the best joints in the town!"

"you're not talking about-"

"yes. mr. patrick stump, i am talking about him. you know he's amazing and you're just jealous that he lives the life of a practical king." ryan pointed out. snorting with laughter, tyler tried to cover his face to hide it. "see? tyler hasn't even met him and he knows that i'm right!"

patrick rolled his eyes. "oh really? his life of a king all because he gave a couple half-assed blowjobs and did a little bit of sweet-talk. now he's got enough sugar daddies to make a dozen sugar cookies." he took a sip of his chocolate milk.

josh scoffed in disbelief, amazed at how fast patrick was able to think that up. it was funny because it was true.

"oh shove it up your ass, stump. maybe you can find pete's dick up there." ryan snorted, shaking his head. patrick immediately reacted, shoving ryan's shoulder so hard that he almost fell out of the booth. "just because i'm right doesn't mean that you can be an asshole!" he added with a snicker. patrick was as red as a tomato.

"alright ladies, you're both pretty. let's just call the king up and ask him what he can get us into? alright, sound good? good." josh said, catching everyone's attention. tyler would be lying if he said that he wasn't nervous. maybe it was just the fact that he was absolutely terrified of anyone seeing his body. he had your standard white chick mentality, trained to believing the fact that he was fat and ugly, which kind of sucked. he was just scared. very scared. there was plenty to be scared of. scars, stretch marks, chub, basically anything that he could name came up as negative.

tyler glanced down at his plate, picking up a piece of bacon.

"i'll put it on speaker, b." ryan said, placing the phone down on the table and pressing the speaker button.

"good. alright, so welcome crew and one new member to the club! is he a part of the channel or just a tagalong?" 'b' asked, his voice crackling a small bit through the phone.

"tagalong. he's josh's fuckbuddy. his name is tyler." pete interjected, a smirk on his face.

"boyfriend. pete. he's my boyfriend." josh warned hastily.

"ah, i see. well either way, tyler is welcome as long as he is over the age of twenty one and isn't a pussy or a snitch. we like to have fun here in vegas in the off days that the crew visits. they don't visit me very often anymore." 'b' pouted, his tone dripping with dramatic sadness, "anyway, my name is brendon. i work for one of the highest casino resorts on the strip, le reve. hopefully you've heard of it."

"basically he's fucking crazy and he likes to not get in trouble for it." pete interrupted, shrugging half-heartedly and grinning slyly.

brendon cackled. "perfect! you know me better than i thought you did petey! how about you drop by around eight pm tonight? meet me in my residence at that exact time sharp. i'll be waiting for you." he sounded absolutely ecstatic.

"sounds nice. we'll see you then, bren. thanks for making our trip a million times better." ryan responded, "i can always count on my insane gay bastard of a friend to make any time fun."

"of course. see you soon, sweethearts." brendon sang.

 

 

 

"do i need to be casual? or.. like formal? business casual?" tyler asked in confusion, rummaging through his bag of clothes. he had plenty of different outfits, but nothing seemed suitable for some reason. he frowned. josh came up from behind him, dressed in a black flannel with the sleeves rolled up, and a freshly lint-rolled pair of black jeans.

"i don't know. just a nice shirt maybe? a button up?" josh replied hesitantly, unsure of what tyler had brought with him. you could never go wrong with just a button shirt.

tyler sighed. he nodded, pulling one of his 'nice' collared shirts that he'd packed. it was a very pale salmon pink with deep grey stripes, a little bit feminine for his taste, but still nice. it matched well with the light grey jeans that he had on from earlier, and also his checkered shoes. at least it matched pretty nice. he buttoned it up, but he chuckled light-heartedly when josh took over for him to help him button the top ones. "thanks, bub." tyler murmured, a light blush on his cheeks as he tipped his head up slightly so josh could button the last one. once he had finished, josh smiled and stroked the love-bitten skin of tyler's neck. this deepened the blush on tyler's face.

"i like it when i can see that you're mine." josh whispered. "the beautiful prince that's all mine."

tyler chuckled, his gaze averting to the ground anxiously. he wouldn't say that he was the beautiful prince that josh saw, but he definitely liked the feeling that josh was mentioning. he was someone's baby. the thought was warming to tyler's rose-thorn covered heart. the protection that he'd put up was slowly becoming unraveled, all because of this damn boy. goddamn, he was completely smitten for this pink-haired beauty and he knew it.

"let's head out, hm?" josh insisted, tossing his head to one side and starting to walk towards the door. tyler nodded and followed, making sure to grab his phone, wallet, and the room key. the rest of the group was already waiting out in the hall, and there were plenty of other people who were planning the same thing as tyler's friends. it was strange to see so many people dressed like they were going to a club or a college party, and there were plenty of guys and girls alike who were dressed nearly head to toe in pride-themed clothing. tyler was confused at first, wondering why it looked like the pride festival in columbus that tyler had been to the year prior. he had to choke down bile; he'd gone with dallon.

"i wonder what's going on. maybe we'll have to check it out once we get back." ryan pointed out as the group walked down the hallway together.

pete snorted. "fuck that. i want to know what's going on now." he announced. a couple seconds later he tapped the shoulder of a girl with a flag draped around her body. "hey, what's all the getup about? is there something going on?" pete asked innocently.

"yeah. there's a whole festival going on down in the plaza. there's some famous youtuber that's getting married to his husband and he decided to get more people involved than just family. there's a lot of his fans and stuff down there. it's just kind of like a pride night going on." she answered, catching the attention of everyone in the group.

pete grinned, "that sounds amazing. we might have to check it out later tonight. how long is it going on?"

"all night. late into the morning as well." she responded, returning the excited grin that pete had. she looked ecstatic to be going.

"thanks, sweetheart. i think we'll be checking it out once we get back from our own outing. right, patrick?" pete hummed, his hand shaking behind patrick's waist as he playfully grabbed his bum. surprised and caught off guard, patrick squeaked, a blush covering his face.

"y-yeah. that sounds so cool." patrick replied, smiling sweetly. he looked like that he so desperately wanted to punch pete in his face for that.

tyler couldn't help but laugh.

"if you see me, don't hesitate to chat! i'm ashley by the way." the blue-haired girl responded, smiling nicely.

pete nodded, "of course. we'll probably see you later then. thanks for your help." he said, waving at her as she and her group of friends stepped into the elevator. they decided to take the next one so it wouldn't be awkwardly crowded.

as soon as the doors closed, patrick slapped pete's butt as hard as he could. everyone bursted out into laughter at pete's squeal of pain that echoed in the hallway. "patrick! why?" he whimpered, "that hurt.."

tyler wasn't really paying attention for the majority of the car ride, well, limo ride. brendon had called them a private limo, which was absolutely insane to tyler. he had touched the seats multiple times just to admire the slick black leather. he decided not to drink, along with patrick. josh and pete however had no problem with starting a bit early. they were both a little tipsy, not drunk, but tipsy by the time they arrived at brendon's residence. tyler's breath had been taken away even more once he stepped out. he had to tip his head back a little to see all of the floors from the outside.

"holy-"

"shit. i know. it's crazy, isn't it?" pete finished the sentence for tyler.

"yeah. he's kind of a go big or go home type of guy. what else are you supposed to do when you're one of the highest paid people in vegas." ryan snickered, taking the lead as they approached the buzzer on the gate.

tyler took a step back to admire everything in front of him. the stars and moon above were absent, so the night sky was only lit by the lights around the house and the fountain out front. he jumped in surprise when the gate opened on its own. now that he was refocused, he could see a man on the front porch of this seemingly endless mansion. he was dressed in an elegant suit, red velvet and with a black bow tie to match. his raven black hair was slicked back, and his face was cleanly shaved. he looked like a modern day king. straight out of the movie the kingsmen.

"welcome! it's so wonderful to see all of you again. it gets lonely up here sometimes without company." brendon greeted happily, clapping his hands like a gleeful child. his warm mocha brown gaze rested upon tyler, and he smiled. "and this must be the new boyfriend, hm? he looks even cuter than i imagined!"

tyler blushed furiously, letting out a chuckle as he tried to play off how flustered he was. nobody really ever called him cute. "y-yeah. i'm tyler. but i assume you already know that." he mumbled. all eyes were on him now, and it was nerve wracking.

however, brendon seemed just so sweet that it was soothing. he was probably the most genuine and gentle sounding man tyler had ever seen before. "of course! josh has told me plenty about you. so has my husband as well. i didn't even know that you two knew each other before a few nights ago." he said.

tyler was confused.

"your husband? how does he know me?" tyler asked, his heart starting to sink as his suspicion grew.

brendon frowned. "i was sure you'd remember him. he said you were old friends, but the relationship turned sour over time, what a shame." he pouted, shaking his head dramatically.

"huh..?"

"surely you remember him? d-"

"dallon."

a voice so sickeningly familiar that it hurt settled into tyler's ears. his stomach did a full flip, and bile threatened to rise in his throat.

"i thought you'd remember me, tyler."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for sticking around to read. please drop a kudos and a comment if you enjoy and want more!! <3 toodles! -vikki


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